Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Sex and ignorance a deadly mix

Wednesday August 18, 2010

I read with interest your on-line report “Porn a major reason behind baby dumping, say cops” and would like to share my observations as a former tertiary educator.

Blaming porn for the increasing rate of baby dumping and other sex-related ills such as teenage pregnancy is just a short-term solution which at best screams of ignorance. There are a lot of people out there who have access to porn and yet do not go through teenage pregnancies or baby dumping.

The key is not in micromanaging our children’s lives but educating them to the best of our abilities.

Many young people want and choose to have sex out of love or curiosity. Please do not blame the so-called corrupt West as love and sexuality exist in all cultures and communities.

However, when teens have sex and are ignorant of the consequences, it is a deadly mix. Excuses like “that one time won’t get me pregnant” or “a condom makes things feel different” is common among teens and these reasons should be looked into closely by both the Government and parents.

We need to stop heaping the majority of our parental responsibility onto the education system and start taking the initiative to teach our children not just about the birds and the bees but also the emotional aspects of a sexual­ly active lifestyle.

We should allow our children to choose the path they take in life and ensure that at the same time they do so responsibly.

Our roles as parents encompasses more than just providing a roof over our children’s heads, food on the table and a degree in their achiever’s belt. It means spending time knowing our children and moulding them to be God-fearing, law-abiding, wise and street-smart people who will go on to pass these values to their own children.

This can only be achieved by spending more quality time with them and not handing their care (spiritually, mentally and emotionally) off to someone else like a maid.

Our Education Ministry should look into sex education in a more complete manner. Sex is more than just biology; it is an act that encompasses all facets of a human being – mentally, socially, emotionally and even religiously. Instead of adopting one firm stand – that abstinence is the law – the ministry should address other issues such as what happens if someone chooses to have sex, how to teach girls to stand up and say, “Wear a condom if you love me” instead of giving in to their partners and so forth.

I have seen many cases in colleges and universities whereby girls have sex because they think it’s the only way to garner love and they have unprotected sex at the insistence of their male partners. They don’t know how to insist on their rights or do not feel that it’s important to take care of their own bodies first.

Also, studies into the abstinence programme in the US have discovered loopholes in the system, mainly that when these teens do eventually have sex, they do not practise safe sex.

This is something we need to change and change fast. Teachers who teach sex education should not only talk about the biological aspect but also discuss prevailing issues related to sexuality and love.

Gone are the days when it’s just a simple matter of the birds and the bees. We are not talking about toddlers but teenagers with raging hormones and a smart mind.


(The Star18.8.2010)


  1. Salam Mummy,

    Betui la apa Mabel ni cakap. Pendidikan seks tu boleh tapi kena la di ajaq ikut perspektif agama. Setakat nak ajaq cara selamat camana nak ehem..ehem..nak buat hapa. Dulu Chua Soi Lek pernah perabih duit rakyat buat kempen bagi kondom percuma pasai nak elak HIV..yang tentu pesakit HIV bertambah jugak. Yang mustahak keadaan persekitaran anak-anak kita la ni amat kondusif untuk depa buat kerja tak senonoh tu. Dulu-dulu pun para remaja dah tau apa dia the birds and the bees..tapi masyarakat kita boleh dikatakan jenis busy body..jangan harap la nak dating-dating tak tentu pasai..kompem kena sound punya..tapi la seems nobody lu - gua gua. Please la..don't simply blame parents if our children everyday exposed to detrimental enviroments inside and outside of the house. Alamak..tercakap omputih plak.


    1. I agree it all started in family circle..

    2. As any Tok Guru, it's up to the parent what pattern of next generation they imagine want to be..

    3. In this topic, let me share, sex comes together with "responsiblity". In Islam, we have very clear laws: WAJIB, SUNAT, HARUS, MAKRUH & HARAM. Have we parent deliver these knowledges to our beloved children since born?

    4. As parent, I must take blame if I'm NOT or LATE teaching my children since born up to Baligh period about the Hukum connection.

    5. If we have done our duty, then.. why worry?..

    Some said, outsiders factor will spoil our baby...

    Again, I said why worry?..

    6. If any building construction have very strong foundation, why worry?..

    the poossiblity of building collapse still there.. BUT
    NOT from foundation..
    NOT from basic..

    7. When the children become Baligh, we can't stop others to disturb. That's how human live, facing challenge..

    8. But with that basic input, they can do simple calculation to decide.. win the challenge.

    9. Logically, why take the worst while we have 4 other good things to choose. Mean, they have 4 kind of allowable sex against 1 sex HARAM.

    10. If still bad thing happen... well you parents, you have done your job..! we leave it to TAWAKKAL concept..



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